Alone Time

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I haven’t been to the bathroom alone in almost thirteen years. Yes, I was really thinking about this yesterday and I guess it means I have too much time to think, but I can’t say that out loud because then my husband will make me get a job!!! Why is it everyone besides me gets alone time???? I had been in the shower yesterday for no more than 30 seconds – keep in mind there were five other people home and available and yet a nasty little voice opens the bathroom door screeching! “Mom, Davy was making fun of me!” What the hell did he want me to do? I am in the shower, soaking wet with a head full of shampoo! What use could I possible be to a child at this moment? Do they want me to fly out of the shower naked? The part that really pissed me off was that there were four other dry, able- bodied adults at their disposable and yet I was their first line of defense!

I swear it’s as if they time it perfectly. At the expense of sounding paranoid…is there some kind of conspiracy going on in my family? Is there a collaborative effort to drive me crazy? What they don’t seem to get, no matter how many ways I try to explain it, is that I deserve five minutes of time to myself. Or do I? Maybe that is a fantasy – a mommy myth. I hear women say they need to recharge their battery; I think mine has been dead for years! Have they heard the saying “if mama is happy, then everyone’s happy?” What my family doesn’t realize is that if I go down, they will all go with me. Clearly “alone time” is not meant for moms, at least not this one.

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